Starsky and Hutch meet the Teletubbies
by Wilkoman
Summary: All about how Starsky and Hutch stop the Teletubbies from their criminal ways.
1. Beginnings

'Starsky! Hutch! Get in here NOW!' 'What's up now?' said Starsky, 'No, wait. Don't tell me. It's something to do with me, Hutch and those call girls. Look, I can explai...' 'No, you can't! Look, you're off the murder case. I'm putting you on something much better for your, huh, abilities.' 'Undercover?' said Hutch. 'Yes, you're going to pose as visitors to Tubbyland. We suspect the Teletubbies of homicide, cruelty to hoovers and molesting young children's minds with their innocent adventures. God, they're sick.' 'Right, so let me get this straight. You want us to visit Tubbyland, and prove that the Teletubbies are evil criminal masterminds.' 'Yes.' 'In case you hadn't noticed, we have the coolest car ever, and we're the stars of a successful TV series and Film, yet you want us to apprehend idiots in brightly coloured suits.' 'Yes'. 'Good God. Right then Starsky, get a couple of Shotguns, we may need them.' 'You want me to get some waffles too?' 'Yeah, I'm not touching that Tubby custard Crap. I'll go warm up the car.'  
  
'So here we are in England, Hutch.' 'Yeah, and we've been stuck on this damn roundabout for the past hour. Jeez, how are the English supposed to get around. Right, hang on, I'm pulling out.' a loud thump 'Oh my God, you just ran over Tony Blair!' 'Ehh.' 'Look, it says turn right here for Tubbyland' 'Right then. Check our supplies. Sunglasses?' 'Check' 'Shotguns?' 'Check' 'Waffles?' 'Check' 'Tubby custard nullifying agent?' 'Double Check' 'Right, let's go.'  
  
The car pulls up into the car park, running over a small child's bowl of Tubby Custard.  
  
'Come on, then.' 'Oh, Tinky Winky, I'm a huge fan of yours.' 'Bugger off'  
  
Find Out what happens next week... 


	2. Endings

Starsky and Hutch entered the Tubbiedrome, where the Teletubbies were eating Tubbie Custard.  
  
'Eh oh, I'm Lala. Want Tubbie Custard?' 'Just one moment' said Hutch as he fumbled in his pocket for the tablet. He swallows it in one gulp. 'Ok then' 'Here, drink' He drinks it with a grimace. 'God that's di...' (nudge from Starsky) 'Delicious!' He turns around and starts to cry. He sniffs, wipes his eyes, and turns back to face his tormentors. 'So what would you say if I wanted you to be a Hitman for me.' 'I do not know what you are talking about. Po would never do anyth...' (child leaves building) 'Come with me.' They follow the red thing down several colourful slides before entering an underground bunker, filled with machine guns, pistols and hand grenades. 'So, who have you killed during your career?' 'Oh, you know, the works. JFK, John Lennon, Archduke Ferdinand and a few attempts at Hitler. I'm planning to get a few shots at Tony Blair and/or George Bush. Preferably 'and'.' 'Right, let me note this down...Ok, great.' 'Let me give you a tour of the complex.' They travel around the vast Teletubby bunker before arriving at a huge video bank. 'Look here. We are monitering every single person who watches the Teletubbies here. Look at this one here. He has bought the dolls, eats our cheap rip off of food and has bought several suits. Altogether, he could support the Tubbiedrome for a year.' 'So you are...' 'Molesting children's minds.' 'Ohhhh.' Starsky made some notes in his notebook. 'Hey do you want a waffle?' 'Is it better than Tubby custard?' 'Probably.'  
  
They sit down at the table and eat waffles.  
  
'Hey Noo Noo, come 'ere.' '(Sucking Noises)' 'Clean up this mess now' Po gives Noo Noo a swift kick. 'You didn't do that quickly enough. Come here.' Po gets a live wire and attaches it to the rear end of Noo Noo. '(Pained Sucking Noises)' Starsky makes a note in his notebook.  
  
'That's it, you are under arrest for homicide, molesting children's minds and cruelty to Hoovers. Hutch, get your shotgun.' 'Ha!' said Po, 'You will never catch me!' Po pulls a gun from underneath her belly TV, then shoots Noo Noo. Starsky pulls out a waffle and throws it at the Teletubby's head, promptly knocking it out.  
  
'One down, three to go,'  
  
LaLa walks past bouncing her ball. Starsky tries the waffle trick again but Lala turns and eats it. Hutch then starts firing at the yellow monstrosity but blows up the ball instead, releasing an evil wave of Tubby Custard. Lala was immobilised.  
  
Starsky and Hutch ran up several coloured slides before arriving back in the main area of the Tubbiedrome.  
  
'Hang on, I know what's powering this operation, it's the sun. Quick, start shooting it with the guns!'  
  
The Sun, gave a baby gurgle and unleashed a wave of fluffy bunnies with fangs. Hutch gave the Tubby Custard machine a swift kick, sending it into overdrive. They resumed the shooting of the Sun.  
  
The Sun gave an almighty shout of pain and sank, plunging the Tubby Complex into the darkness of natural light. Then Dipsy and Tinky Winky ran out.  
  
'No one shoots our Sun. We can't live in Natural light. It burns us!' 'Look Starsky! They're melting!' 'No, that's just the ice packing their suits. Look, let's just get the handcuffs on them and stick 'em in the car.' Turning to Dipsy, 'Don't mess it up, that's genuine leather.'  
  
'Hey, look what the wind blew in. Good work. These colourful imbeciles will stay banged up for a long time.' 'What about the Sun?' 'Given a new home, and a psychiatrist.' 'Well, can we work on the normal cases?' 'Oh no. You were so good, we need you to investigate other strange goings on in the world of children's television.'  
  
Tune in soon for a new episode of Starsky and Hutch meet... 


End file.
